


Stars scatter

by Wildflowerfield



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ahh i'm a terrible person, Angst, But mostly angst, F/M, Fluff, Uhhh I actually have almost no ideas what beta is and have virtually no one to beta for me so, bad grammar alert guys, but the story just.... went on itself, haizzz, sorry guys I didn't mean for it to be like this, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7580026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildflowerfield/pseuds/Wildflowerfield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their story in scattered pieces, like constellations in the sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stars scatter

__ You know , I once wished under the stars._

_She smiles, and his heart stops, for a second. Those eyes-_

__ What happened ?_

                                                                                        ***

He knows that he’s not the luckiest guy in the world. (Well, it’s kind of hard to forget that when sometimes all you could remember is the broken breaths and broken lungs, the  pain in your heart so strong with its _beating stopping beating trying-_ ) But loving her (and to be loved by her _her her_ ) sure is the luckiest thing ever happened to him.

( _beating stopping trying beating-)_                      

                                                                   

 ***

She’s made of hard steel tangled with silk. Masks made from thousands lies and broken pieces. Dripping red and death perched on her shoulders.

She’s the Black Widow.

She’s made of lame jokes and silly pick-up lines. Small smiles and light footsteps. Blunt candor and unspoken sympathy. 

She’s Natasha Romanov. 

He can’t help but think she is beautiful. 

***

“ Steve? “

His name rolls off her tongue easily, effortlessly. A barest trace of a smile in her voice. Under his eyelids, sunlight dancing.

 “Hey.”

He sounds as breathless as he feels, but waking up to this, to _her_ , is more than he could ever imagine. Natasha's hovering above him, her legs straddling his hip. Long, fiery locks of hair cascading, forming a curtain between them and the rest of the world. It's- overwhelming, somehow.

He blinks up at her, a smile already on his lips :

" You are beautiful."

" How corny, old man."

  She smirks, but there's this glint in her eyes and he knows she loves it. He chuckles and brings the hand resting on his chest to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly.

"That's the first time I hear someone calls the truth "corny", you know."

She _laughs_ ; head tilted back and eyes  closed. The skin of her neck shining under the light. He wants to draw her. When Natasha looks back at him, there's this soft smile that is his favourite, because -

"And you are not so bad yourself , Rogers."

\- she's telling the truth. Steve smiles even when he tugs her down to meet his lips.

 _(I love you_ , their kisses say)

***

He and Bucky, they have this _till the end of the line._

But with her, he's-

***

It's just them, the whole team, gathering around with alcohol and the satisfaction of a mission well done.

There's no surprise for Stark and/or Barton to invent some stupid game.

This time, they have to describe themselves in just one word.

He has to admit, it's kind of fun.

That is, until Stark prods her and he realizes-

She hasn't said a single word.

And he doesn't expect her to. It's her nature, to be reclusive about herself. To be wrapped up in lies and facades and masks. To be everything and nothing at once. Of course, she's not who she used to be, but it's still very hard to shake off things that were embedded so deep.

(He tries to tell himself the twisting feeling in his gut isn't disappointment.)

But then she looks at him and says:

" _Alive_ "

The way she says it makes it sounds like both a curse and a blessing.

( _Stopping beating stopping_ -)

***

He thinks red is fitting for her. Beautiful and deadly. Powerful and untamable. Vibrant.

Doesn't mean he always like it on her.

There's-

( _stoppingbeatingtryingbeating-_ )

***

She doesn't scream in her nightmares, nor does she thrash around and contort her face into a frown. Instead, her whole body goes rigid, and her jaws clench just a little tighter. If he's holding her, Steve can feel that subtle change of her heartbeats. Unnoticeable. But there. She's a loaded gun, ready to shoot at anyone who dares touch her.

But he hates seeing Natasha like this, poised and guarded, even in her sleep, trapped in an endless abyss, unable to get out, not until she wakes up-

She almost killed him the first time he woke her up.

(Well, not really, but had it been other people, she'd have.)

Luckily, it gets better.

Steve carefully tightens his arms around her, not too much to be a threat, but enough to make her notice. She freezes for a second, and he thinks that she's going to break his arm and pull the gun out of the-

Natasha relaxes.

" _Nat_." He says, and it sounds like, what, he doesn't truly know, but thousands of questions of _are you okay are you fine what happened_ and insurance that says _you are safe I'm here I'll protect you you are safe-_

She turns around, emerald eyes illuminating in the dark.

_I'm here._

Answers for his questions and amazement and comfort at his unspoken words _I'm here I'm here I'm here-_

Steve pulls her a little closer, his arms tighten around her a little more. He buries his face in the place where her neck meets the shoulders, closes his eyes, and breathes in her scent. He knows it's futile, but he can't help but wish for a different future, a future where they don't have to carry the weight of the world. A future where they don't have demons chasing them in the middle of the night. A future where he doesn't have to be afraid of losing her every day, every hour. A future where-

"Steve."

Gently, a small arm ( that can break men twice his size) warps around him, and a delicate( yet as hard as steel) hand cups his face. He flutters his eyes open. A small smile is on her lips:

" _I'm here_."

This time, the words sound like a promise, that she'll always be here with him, under the sheets, sharing the same heartbeat- _Ridiculous_ , a part of him chides, because Natasha Romanov doesn't _do promises_ , no matter how small, let alone _that_ -

"You're here."

He breathes in her promise, feeling ridiculously happy. All of his worries have gone away, erased by those simple words. They will come back, he knows, but not now, not with her here, safe and sound in his arms, all content. Steve lets himself slip back into sleep with her heartbeat next to him. _We're here._

( _He forgets that promises are meant to be broken._ )

***

He doesn't want the whole world in his hands.

All he wants is her.

( _beatingstoppingtryingtrying_ -)

***

"Would you like to dance? "

Steve looks up from the book. She's standing in front of him, the glint in her eyes tells him he should be careful of what's about to happen.

"Huh?"

Natasha rolls her eyes impatiently.

"Come on, grandpa. I know you' re old, but not old enough to not hear what I said." She's wearing a worn out T-shirt that is- was- his, simple black jeans, and her hair's in a messy bun. She's _gorgeous_. 

"I know many people at my age who can't." He deadpans. "You're just lucky that I'm not."

A pause. Natasha arches an eyebrow at him. _Well?_ He stammers. "Uh, do you really mean- I am not good at- This is not a good idea-"

"Then I'll teach you." Her voice is laced with humor. She extends a hand in front of him. Shall we?"

Steve sighs and puts his book down. He takes her hand and stands up from the sofa. "You know I can't say no to you. "A truth.

She guides him to the small white room that supposed to be his studio, but all of the art supplies and canvas have been put aside so there's more space. The window is open. Autumn morning light makes the room looks ethereal.

"I do." Natasha hums. Another truth.

Only when she lets go of his hand to go to the corner of the room does Steve notice a vintage monograph on the white stool near the wall. He huffs a laugh.

"Really?"

She winks.

"It sets the mood."

A song is put on. _La vie en rose_ , sweet and soft. He stands there, awkward with his whole body, having no ideas what to do with his hands and his feet and _how does he stand now-_

"You're thinking too much."

And then she lightly takes his hands in her smaller ones, guiding him _here_ , and he promptly relaxes. Just like that. And they dance, sweet and soft.

After a while, they stop-no, not really. They're still inside that small bubble the music makes, him enveloping her, their hands intertwined, his smile buried in her hair. It's still a dance, just- more private. More intimate.

(He thinks he-)

"Hey. "

She whispers, her breath on his skin.

"Hm?"

He pulls away just a little to look at her. She's- It's- Her eyes are open, vulnerable.

His heartbeat quickens.

( _Beatingtryingstoppingtrying_ -)

"I love you too." He tells her, tasting the words for the first time. Soft and sweet. Her eyes smile, _I know_ , just like he does, and she leans up, her breath on his lips now-

( _Stoppingtryingbeatingstopping_ -)

***

He sees _red red red red-_

His heart is ripped out, once again.

***

To be honest, he doesn't remember much.

(He doesn't want to _. It's not real not real not real_ -)

But he remembers panic clogging his mind, fear consuming his heart and-

"Stay with me. Stay. Please, please _please_ -"

His voice hitched, he couldn't breathe through the tears, and she didn't have the strength to lift her arm and wipe those for him. "Stay, please. Don't fall asleep on me Nat. Please _, I beg you_ -"

"Steve." Her eyes were tired and full of regrets. "I'm sorry." The words were  things she wanted to say but couldn't. Didn’t have time. " _I'm sorry._ "

Still, he was nothing if not stubborn and clinging to the best ( _futile, impossible, hopeless_ ) hope. "No, no, no, no, no. Everyone will be here soon, and we'll get you out of here and you'll be fine and we'll be home an-"

"Steve. "

Her smile was stained with blood, her blood, and there were tears in her eyes. He- he couldn't -

"I can't live without you, Nat. I can't. Not again." His voice cracked, and he tasted fear. Not the first time, but now, it was more than fear of the enemies, of the things that people would bear if he failed, of his own death. It was the fear of the future. Of a place where he couldn't see her smile, feel her breaths; a future without her. _Without Natasha_. _So please, don't do this to me-_

"You will, Steve. You are strong. You will." 

 _But I didn't want to be strong_ , he thought, but didn't say. He never could win an argument with her anyway. Instead, he took her cold hand in his and kissed the knuckles like he always did. Natasha smiled.

"I'm sorry. "

She always could read him like that. He wanted to -

"I wish we had more time. "

"Me too. "

Her eyes fluttered, trying to fight a losing battle. He squeezed her hand a little tighter.

"Kiss me?"

He complied, and closed the small distance between them. The kiss was slow, and he tried to focus on the soft feel of her lips, not the salty taste of tears mixed with the coppery of blood.

For a fleeting second, he could pretend they were back on that first day when she told him she loved him, and they were home safe under the blankets and her smile would light up his whole world-

And she stopped.

He tried to pretend for a little moment, but reality came crashing hard on him, punching him in the guts,  shattering him into pieces, dropping him into -

His heart stopped beating, too.

( _Stoppingtryingstoppingstopping_ \- )

***

_Natasha looks at the starry sky._

_"Nothing. And everything." The way she says it makes it sounds like both a curse and a blessing ._

_His heart stops, for a second, when he kisses her._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone ! First, thank you for reading this. It's my very first piece of fanfiction, both in general and in Romanrogers fandom. Yeah. So please excuse me if there's any mistakes. And I'd appreciate it if any of you want to point out anything I should fix. Ahh. Sorry. I'm babbling again.  
> But anyway, thank you.


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